The $2.99 Nightmare

I guess the app looked a lot less scary on a buddy's iPad (actually the parents' iPad) and because I am happy to let my youngest play games on my iPhone, I agreed to get the app for Jack.

I never looked at the app or previewed it beyond the screen shots that are at the end of the app description. But even if I had, I'm not sure it would've mattered. Jack played the game with his friend at my older boy's soccer game and never displayed any fear, apprehension or anything that would've led me to NOT get the app.

It wasn't until the middle of the night that the subject matter finally got to him. He woke up screaming and ran lightening fast to my room. And now, almost one week later, he is afraid to be in any room by himself, making bedtime nearly unbearable.

The app of doom is...

Plants vs. Zombies

I'm pretty sure it wasn't just the app that has caused all this fear and anxiety. I think he's also seen a commercial that involved zombies, not in their cutesy animated form, but in human-actor-spent-hours-in-makeup form. This is positively frightening to an already spooked 6 year old.

At bath time, he normally takes over the master bathroom tub which is like a pool to a little guy. There are about 700 Duplo Legos floating around and he plays in there for a good 30 minutes while I sit on my bed knitting or watching tv.

Not any more. Now he feels I need to be next to the tub the entire time. Needless to say, my evenings are spent trying to convince him there's nothing to fear. And staying by his side the entire evening.

I am wracking my brains trying to fix this problem. My older boy has tried to help by loaning Jack his dream catcher. He even clipped it to the drapes so it's above Jack's bed. Then he made a dream catcher out of K'Nex for him, too! Jack was skeptical as to the effectiveness of any dream catcher but Connor really believes in it and so he has tried his best to convince Jack that it will help. To be sure, Jack has slept all through the night the last two nights, but it's the getting him to sleep that has proved challenging.

I even passed the baton to my husband last night since Connor needed me to help him with a school project. And I could hear my husband saying to Jack (quite robustly) "man up, Jack! Go to sleep!"

That ought to work.

The meat of the matter

What makes a true friend so true? Text exchanges like this.

Holiday recap

When Christmas comes, and then goes, I am always left standing in a pile of discarded gift wrap, toy packaging and cookie crumbs, wondering, "what just happened, and why am I five pounds heavier?"

I love to watch Big Bang Theory and I imagine Sheldon explaining the Doppler effect with his hilarious sound effects to boot. That is what the holiday season is like for me, from Halloween through New Year's Day.

I feel blessed, though, because my family made it through the holiday season without any major illnesses (no barfing, strep or ear infections) and no injuries (boys wrestling but five years apart? Not good) and we managed to see nearly every single member of our extended families without being subjected to the horrid lines and delays of a major airport.

In terms of our travels, we did travel quite a bit. However, we traveled in our new Toyota Sienna minivan which drives so nice and is so spacious so the boys don't have to breathe on each other and risk WW3. So to me, traveling was much less stressful. I love, love, love my new minivan and let me explain why a mom of only two boys, ages almost 12 and almost 7 would want an 8-passenger vehicle.

• Sliding doors on both sides of vehicle. No more having to warn them on every exit not to bang into the car next to us. No more worrying about the Chicago wind blowing the doors into the car next to us. Now, if I can just train these guys to use the door on the side they were sitting on, then we'd be okay. I swear it's like explaining nuclear fission to these two...

• Next point, they have plenty of space to spread out their video game cases, Pillow Pets, iPods or whatever. They do complain that the van doesn't seem to have enough ports for all their tech gadgets though. Jeez.

• Next, I am often transporting other kids around. I don't sit for other kids, but when my boys have friends over in the wintertime, we generally don't have kids walking a couple blocks in cold weather. I am happy to bring them home. And now that Connor is in middle school, that blending of elementary schools from all over the city, he has friends that live clear on the other side of town, so a car trip is essential. Sometimes, a mom friend will call me in a semi-panic that she's not able to pick up a couple of her kids from school, and since I might be there anyway....I am always happy to do it. The more the merrier, I always say. 

• The van is so versatile that we were able to move seats and stow seats and bring home a new TV and my second favorite thing in the world right now--my new digital piano. I am scraping the rust off my brain and fingers and I've hauled out the music books I've had since middle school and I'm relearning to play piano. It is wonderful....

So there you go. This minivan and I are becoming a tight-knit pair. And I nearly forgot to mention the front seats are heated. LOVE YOU, BUTT WARMERS!!

Our last trip, which was just this past weekend, involved driving to northern Indiana for one night, then up to southwestern Michigan the next, which was New Year's Eve. The weather was a little touchy, and my husband decided to drive, which was awesome for me. I had to work on a baby blanket anyway. The first thing he said when driving the van for the first time was, "Man, this thing is like a BUS!" And I was like, "I know! Isn't it great??"

In other news, the two gift ideas I thought would really thrill my boys are not all that thrilling. This is not a news flash. This is reality. However, I'm going to keep working on them until they LOVE these gifts. More on that later.

My youngest began ice skating lessons last evening. We went to the ice arena after Christmas for open skating and he was hanging onto a large orange cone for the first half hour, then decided to skate without it. He really did okay for a beginner. Then on our way out, we saw information for skating classes and I decided to sign him up. I'm hoping it's going to work out though. I wasn't aware of the 12:1 ratio of students to instructor and these kids are all about 6 to 8 years old. After class, we went to the hockey shop in the ice arena and had both the boys' blades sharpened and cleaned and bought fabric guards for them called Soakers. I can't WAIT to see them skate with these now....Could be YouTube material. When we were at open skating last week, Jack fell down on his behind a couple of times and I kept encouraging him and praising him for his efforts. He replied, "My bottom's doing all the work!"

I've done more than eat rum cake

Last Friday was the last day of school for my boys for two weeks. Two weeks of not having to catch the bus at 7:30 a.m. for the younger one, and not having to wait until 4 p.m. for the older one to get home. No need to get up early (yet the little one does) and they still have the need to play with other kids. I really thought they'd want to spend every waking second with me! Geez....blown off again....

Ah well.....it's nearly Christmas and I'm happy to say I'm sufficiently in a good Christmas mood. I wasn't so sure if I'd get there! Now if only my husband can relax and enjoy the holidays. Work is work is work, though, and there's never really a down time for him.

Here's what I've accomplished recently.

I have finished the seamless yoke sweater for Jack! There's one area on it I'm not particularly pleased with, but it'll do. He wore it yesterday in some drizzly damp weather to help me walk our dog, Comet.

 

I also finished a hat for Connor that didn't quite turn out the way I hoped it would and it's all his fault. He would have nothing to do with I-cord and a pom pom coming off the top of the hat, so I ripped it back and knitted it with steady decreases to conform to the shape of his head, which is round, and not at all like a cinder block, which I've been claiming for 11 years. 

He will never wear this. I just know it. By the way, he is not naked in the pic, just showing me his pecs because he's been doing push-ups every day and increasing the reps. I guess he's after big muscles already at his young age.

And then yesterday, I cleaned up our basement so Connor had space free of dust and dog hair clumps to drive his Air Hogs Hyper-active remote control car. A little bit of dog hair gets tangled up in the axles then we have to spend a half hour with a safety pin and tweezers pulling the hair out. A real pain in the arse. They should have put a warning on the box. Anyway, upon cleaning up the spaces down there, I started looking through the myriad projects I've begun and I got a little bummed, because I'm such a slacker. I was going to make a wonderful crocheted ripple afghan and never did get very far. I think it gets too boring for me. I dunno. So today I looked at it again and thought, "should I get a hook and continue on?" 

I made a scarf out of it instead. And I've worn it twice today. Good idea, I think.

And finally, I have been baking. I've made dozens of Christmas cookies and also made my very first rum cake. I found this beautiful baking dish of Paula Deen's on clearance at Wal-Mart and once again, made a decision based on my subconscious efforts to turn into my mother, who made many a Bundt cake. I found a recipe on allrecipes.com and voila! Rum cake. It was delicious!

For Christmas, I need to finish up a knitted Squirrel on Wheels for Connor. I think that's about it! I've never been this prepared for Christmas. It's quite shocking....

A jumble of treasures

I really thought I was not going to be able to complete the decorating this year. I had a rough week, for some reason. But I enlisted the help of my two boys, who while not fighting, actually did a pretty good job of decorating our Christmas tree.

I'm no longer a fan of our nine foot artificial tree, but I realize I'd be on my own going out to a farm to choose and cut down a live tree. Can't seem to convince my husband that this is a fun, memory-making activity! I believe it's because one year, when we had just one tiny child, we brought home a live tree and the trunk needed shaping up in order to fit into the tree stand. Unfortunately, he didn't have the right tool, and this made the job nearly impossible. All sorts of non-merry expletives flew, and I do believe he never wants to handle a live Christmas tree again. It's so sad.

So, like the many times I've done it before, I'm making the best of the situation. Looking back at it now, I think the most difficult part of the tree decorating for me was clearing out the toys and train table from our front room in order to make space for the tree. I've been thinking for a while now that I want my formal living room back. It's currently in use as the Wii room, and we hardly even play Wii anymore.But I've had visions of beautiful seating and stylish lighting and, oh never mind. It ain't gonna happen for a few years.

Once I reclaimed the room, it was easier to move on with the festivities. And to help, I put a Veggie Tales Christmas special on Netflix thru the Wii. So the boys occasionally fought over the step stool but they really did a fantastic job of decorating with what might be the strangest assortment of Christmas ornaments ever.

Here you'll find handmade ornaments I picked up at craft shows, ornaments the boys made, a few here and there that I made, some from different vacations we took, a few "Hallmarky" type ones, and some rustic-looking ones because I just love that look of woodland holidays. There are a few smaller ornaments with the boys' names on them, and I now realize I'm missing some. Bummer... I see a few that were giving to me by family or friends as gifts and I treasure them so much. See the knitted pickle to the left? That's from my knitting friend. It brings good luck!

When I was younger and at home, my mom would have my older brother and me decorate our tree, which was always a real tree. It smelled so good... My parents had made a trip to Germany one year to visit my sister and her family who were stationed on an Air Force base. They brought home with them many beautiful German ornaments that I can only describe as wooden, colorful and whimsical. These are still in boxes at what is now my brother's house. He doesn't decorate for the holidays really because it's just him, and he's very busy and tired from his job.

I have fond memories of John and I taking out each ornament wrapped in tissue and saying, "Oh! Remember this one?? It's my favorite!" And we had a lot of favorites.

Today, I still have that same feeling when I unwrap a favorite ornament. It may not be much to someone else, and it may not be trendy or stylish, but it means something to me, and hopefully to my family.

Here's the tree without it's topper, that I had to go buy this year. A 9' tree with a 9' ceiling leaves little room for a topper!

I need someone to slap me upside the head

Dear Blogosphere,
I just screamed at my older son for accusing me of serving him fish for breakfast. Of course I would not serve him fish! Jeez! But I did serve him chicken, and if you know my kid, you know that is the breakfast of choice! I know, really? He doesn't eat normal breakfast foods, except for the occasional bagel, which I totally spaced out and didn't buy any while at Trader Joe's yesterday. Nope. No bagels. Instead, I was being self-centered and bought myself a container of unsweetened coconut milk and raw blue agave nectar. I know. REALLY?

What is wrong with me, you ask? Let me tell you. Have a seat, this could take a while.

I'm trying to eat healthier, in order to feel better because I have a condition that causes me to feel fatigued and completely bitchy. This is not perpetual PMS, which some males in my family would like to believe. No. This is called redundant colon. I have a large, sloppy colon. And by large I mean the doctor drew a fanciful diagram of it on paper and it looked like instructions on how to make a Celtic knot. Except my colon is clearly not as pretty. And it's not well behaved, either. When normal people eat, their brain sends a signal to their colon that it's time to visit the bathroom. My brain is clearly too busy sending signals to my fingers that allow me to "knit two together through back loop with working yarn in front---oh nevermind."

My body just doesn't send or receive signals that help keep things moving. Instead, I can only imagine my colon is like a squirrel storing up for winter. "I'm just going to hang onto these last six meals you've eaten because you might find it difficult to find food later or something. Just sayin'." --Colon

It sucks, to be quite honest, and I don't want to live on medication, but I may have to go that route. Aging and stress only exacerbate the problem. I just had another birthday, and while at least one of my birthday cards stated my age at 29, you can't believe everything you read. And stress? I don't have much stress, but I "think" I do. I let things get to me. This is a "chicken or the egg" scenario. Does the body make me stressed? Does stress make the body not work well? It all goes round and round. And apparently cannot find the exit.

Here is today's stress. My younger son is not feeling well enough to go to school. Personally I think he could go, but that's because I was supposed to volunteer at school an extra hour and fifteen minutes longer than my usual hour and fifteen, and now I can't. He is not feverish, but he's complaining of a sore throat and he has a gross cough. Let the record show he will not be playing DS, Wii or computer games today. He may watch tv. That's it.

Another stressful situation is being faced with decorating for Christmas and not feeling like it at all. Against my angst, I began last evening by clearing out all mixed up toys in our front room, which we lovingly refer to as the "Wii room," and trying to move a train table by myself. That didn't go well. It went, but not gracefully.

The older boy and I hauled up sections of our 9 foot artificial tree which I hate, and began putting it together. Fluffing out all those branches takes time, and when you don't like the tree, you just end up resenting each and every bough. I still can't seem to get the tree straight.

I began opening boxes of multi-colored lights from years past, which I also dislike. I like all white. The kids don't. They win. I began at the top of the tree, and worked my way down, and then I did the dumbest thing ever. I said to myself, "This isn't going too badly at all!"

The next box of lights I opened was apparently shoved into the box last January and only half the string works now. I only figured that out after spending fifteen precious minutes untangling them. Darn. Then I came across a set that didn't work at all. I tried wiggling lights. I tried changing fuses. Nothing. Double Darn.

So now I do not have enough lights to finish the job. And with a kid home sick today, I won't be going to Home Depot anytime soon to buy more. And this brings me to part two of Christmas decorating. My neighbors are all decked out with lovely scene-stealing displays in twinkling whites, reds and greens, and all I have are box upon box of more multi-colored LED icicle lights to hang on my house. Did I mention how I hate the multi-colored ones? Yeah, they are ugly--all the way. And to make matters worse, last year, the lights kept going out (all of them) by themselves, and not go back on. I attributed this to a problem with the exterior outlet. I followed the manufacturer's instructions on not plugging too many sets in, but still had this problem. So several times this past winter, I would trudge out into the deep snow on the side of my house and unplug and the plug them back in. They worked for a while, then went out.

This summer, we had an electrician over for an unrelated issue and I mentioned to him the Christmas light problem. He tested the outlet and declared it fit. He said the problem must be in the lights. If he would've said "operator error," I would've punched him in the gut.

So if you were me, would you want to get on a step ladder and install all those crazy-ugly lights just so you could trudge through the snow everyday and night to light them up? No. Me neither. It's like thirty degrees today with gusty winds and me and my colon do not want to go up on any damn step ladder. I think if my family wants exterior lights they are going to have to do it themselves. I don't mean to sound all Scroogey, but really people. Step up.

Here are some pictures unrelated to multi-colored lights or colons. Except for the last one.

Jack helps flute the pie crust for a Thanksgiving pumpkin pie at Grandma's house.

My boys in the tree at their Grandma's house in Detroit. It was unusually warm and sunny this past Thanksgiving!

Finished!

It was grueling, but I managed to do it! I finished the dreaded Angel Stocking!

It didn't turn out TERRIBLE, but it's not my best work, and it sure was difficult to send this to my sister and call it good. However, she called me Tuesday, upon receiving the package in the mail, and she LOVES it. So there. Mission accomplished.

I did cringe inwardly as she mentioned that her daughter (my niece, Melisa) and her hubby definitely want more children. They will make more adorable babies, I'm sure. The question is, who can I find to knit more stockings?

In other news, I went from thinking I could knit or crochet a hat for every single great niece and nephew. I have 15 of the little critters. I'm a great aunt fifteen times over. There's no way. I started to crochet a hat about seven different times from seven different patterns, and I soon realized, these are not the quality of hats I had in mind. What I had in mind were classic knit hats complete with cables and maybe bobbles for the girls. Maybe if I start in January of 2012, I'll have them ready for next Christmas. But in 2012, there will be two more greats born, for sure. It's an army, I tell you.

So I gave up after those seven false starts, and began a sweater for Jack instead. It's working up nicely in bulky yarn. I'm attempting a seamless yoke sweater with some Fair Isle patterning on the yoke.

My older son has requested a knit squirrel on wheels from Knitting Mochi Mochi. He would also like a hat of some sort. Squirrel was started yesterday, but I'm keeping it secret from him.

In still other news, I have a thing for cables now. I've been thumbing through two great books in particular by Melissa Leapman. She is a designer whom I took a class from at Stitches Midwest in '10. She's a fantastic teacher, by the way, and a great book author too. Lovely patterns, great technical writing. I want to knit everything in cables. We'll see. Maybe I'll design Christmas stockings replete with lovely classic cables. In one color.